You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
