Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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