I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
