bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
