He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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