Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
