Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
