i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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