so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
