She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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