So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
