I can tuck mytits in my pants
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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