I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
