id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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