In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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