im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
