i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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