I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize