you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
