the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
