ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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