i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
They have beer where we have blood.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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