Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
