Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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