I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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