We're like a lot better than the average bears
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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