Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
