my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
