I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
