i just had sex bonerless
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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