i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
