did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
