so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
