i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
