I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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