The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
