I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
