we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
