I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
