Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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