you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
