it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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