my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Randomize
