I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
