I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
