I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
