apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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