I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
