similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
