i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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