i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My life is pants optional.
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