Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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