Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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