the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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