i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
