It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
