he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
