Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
