dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
