she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
