New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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