I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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