I got chris browned last night
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
