You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
