then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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