3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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