i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
