I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
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They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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