Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
