Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
