And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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