Christians are straight up FREAKS
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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