You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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