I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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