Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
