I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
