i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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