On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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