and you said cock pushups were impossible
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
