Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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